People tend to see parenting as a competition for some reason, and they think their way is always best. Or maybe I will hyphenate it. A name change may be ordered for a minor to reflect a stepfather's name without requiring the stepfather to adopt the child. If you have an open adoption situation, you may be able to choose a name and have it placed directly on the birth certificate if the expectant mom agrees to do so. I am sorry to hear that your adoptive parents did understand you all the time, but I am proud of you for taking care of yourself and doing YOU! Divorce Decree), then you can start using your maiden name again. There is nothing "family" about my adopted name – it was simply because my parents liked it and thought it was pretty. You must 'respect' these decisions. In older child adoption, you may choose to change an entire name, or you may choose not to change the name at all, including leaving their original last name. Thanks for this! Private message. Even if your first name stayed the same upon your adoption being granted, your surname will likely differ; in any case, your biological birth record is not classed as your legal document anymore. Did you choose a name prior to the birth that all parents (birth and adoptive) agreed on? However, we gave him a name we chose as his first name and our last name. He did prefer to keep his first name. You can keep the first name and change middle and last names. I don’t believe that people with offspring should have the ability to fully avail themselves of their parental responsibilities to their offspring just because they are unable to care for them on a full time basis. IAA: What advice would you give other adoptees in hopes of restoring their birth name? While some people choose to change the child’s name, others may not. Therefore, he didn’t want to keep his given name, but he also didn’t feel comfortable with taking our name. The only reason I haven’t changed my name is because my adoptive mother is still alive. I am gonna say you didn't read the article if you did you would see that I combined the names. When you are adopting an infant shortly after birth, you may be able to name the child from the start. IAA: I completely agree with you. As parents, we are living this life with this child and know them better than anybody. Your duty is to obey your rescuers, etc etc blah blah blah…. He came to us as a middle school child and was with us through part of high school. I think it is often a guarded secret, or an unanswered question, who asks for a relationship in adoption to be closed, who did it violate? If it isn’t a safety issue for them, and if you agree, this may be okay. The name, in the case of some children, is already set. I have found my birth family, and my birth mom has passed away. As I said, there is no real rule when it comes to naming a child. Even if you change your son's name, it won't change his legal relationship to your current husband. Hello Anonymous june 9, 2015. When the adoption is that of an infant, it is most common that the adoptive parents choose the name of the child. I can’t just forget and dismiss my adopted side who raised me. your name should be whatever you want it to be. You can have parental authority over a person who does not share your last name! If you adopted a child and their name is not officially changed to your own by the time you need to file, you can apply for a temporary Adoption Taxpayer Identification Number (ATIN) with the IRS. I’ve never really liked anything about my adoptive middle name except that it’s fairly unique. Never do something like that to manipulate a situation or to hurt another. If so, you should honor your agreement in good faith. I do realize we were lucky that the decision was not met with hurt feelings. Charish: It was, for the most part, easy, just a few pages of paperwork. Are you thinking of going with something else now? I have made assumptions regarding adoptees that they would always want to know their roots. We are the ones who are legally responsible for the child, and therefore, we legally decide things for them. my birth name was changed as well as my middle name upon adoption. That is truly how many adoptees came to be…because Mother didn't ''matter''. All of my children have had a name change. Charish: Look into the laws of your state; every state is different. I wrote, “I am adopted. One member of a family should not control information about other members of the family as all people are inherently equal. It would be appropriate if the topic was discussed prior to the legal adoption to discuss any changes you are thinking of making. If you want them to have a parent-child relationship, you should probably reconsider the possibility of stepparent adoption. All rights reserved. A: You are right. Maybe I'll have to give it more thought. The adopted parents should accept our name as given and be very grateful to have received the baby in the first place and respect our bio mother's decision to name us, aas a mark of respect to her. I understand changing a last name, but completely removing a child’s first and middle name is like saying it wasn’t good enough. In many ways, it is a nice gesture to the birth parents to keep the child’s given name. Charish has also started a Facebook group called. All my life I have been called by a nickname. This is simply human nature. If your name change is due to adoption, you must also provide documentation to support your claim such as an adoption decree, which establishes the reason for changing your name. If you all chose together as part of the birth plan, you ought to consider that before making a change. I didn’t have to speak to anyone. Jessenia Arias, adoption is not solely about the child. They def are archaic. everyone has a right to a name change. I honestly think children are entitled to their roots. I am an adult adoptee with 10 years of experience advocating and fostering relationships with adoptees, and over five years of experience teaching adoptive parents how to have a successful and genuine relationship with their adopted child. It is not about ownership and being more of the adoptive parents. Charish: It’s a great feeling. We did change his middle and last name. That is a fallacy. An adult adoption completed in Louisiana will only change the person's name on their birth certificate. This is an area where I have some experience. Posted on Nov 2, 2015. If you got married or divorced and your name changed, there is no need to update your birth certificate. It was don't to her with no semblance of consent. I filled out some forms that just said current name and new name. I love to my birth name and I felt like it was me. After all, you were 'rescued', weren't you? It is bad enough that a person looses their ability to be raised and cared for by their parents but to steal their name and their ability to remain part of their own family, grandchild to their grandparents, cousin to their cousins, sibling to their siblings is unconscionable. However, to be clear, you cannot normally change the name on your (or your child’s) birth or adoption certificates. I decided to change it back about a year later after really thinking about it. If I was given an original birth name, I have no idea if it would have been my biological mother’s last name or my biological father’s last name. Though there was a relationship there, it was not a relationship she viewed as “parental” in nature. If it was a closed adoption, you need to also change the child’s social security number. Therefore, I have no desire to change my name back to whatever birth name I may have had.But I am not overly fond of any of my adoptive names, either. Charish: My birth mom ( I dislike that term) passed away in 2009. So we decided not to tell her. For most of us this simply involves dropping middle names, or using contractions of our given names - such as Dave for David. On my biological mother’s side, my genes have a significant amount of Native American/First Nations peoples (although you couldn’t tell it to look at me), descending through the same bloodlines as the existing far North American, First Nations peoples, and the existing Tarahumara Native Americans of northern Mexico; all with a bit of the Iberian peninsula, and other continents and ethnicities thrown in as well. Jennifer is a mother to 3 children (one biological, two adopted). The original birth certificate will be placed with other adoption records and the file will be sealed by the court. Although she and my adoptive father divorced when I was seven, she decided to keep my adoptive father’s last name. There are others who think that changing the child’s name is simply their right as the parents to the child, and all parents love to think of names for their children. Pond turning 18 and looking through paperwork I realized that my name was changed upon birth and I was never told. This is a very touchy subject for us. Just a thought. Profile. I did this for myself, certainly, but also did it to protest the archaic adoption laws that are still on the books in most of North America. There is a paragraph portion that you have to submit explaining why you want a name change. It’s a falsehood fabricated by people who want to have their family fully replace the family of the person they are raising. I am sure you can agree. Charish: Well my adopted dad is very understanding. Required fields are marked *. ), most families who are adopting want to give their child the family name. Because he was now a school-aged child and identified very much by his given first name, we felt we should not change it. When adopting older children, they may wish to keep their names. But you should not stop there. He came to us at the age of 2, and his adoption didn’t occur until three years later. I am an adult adoptee with 10 years of experience advocating and fostering relationships with adoptees, and over five years of experience teaching adoptive parents how to have a successful and genuine relationship with their adopted child. Just love the person exactly as they are or don’t bother involving yourself in raising them to adulthood. Adopters take so much from us all. It is like completely taking the last thing they have left. Reading the article is irrelevant to 'anonymous.' I am proud of you that you can a stand to reclaim your identity and protest the archaic adoption laws! The … Let me know if you go through with it! Was it easy? Because she had chosen to do that, she decided she did not want to change her name again at adoption. Millions of single fathers share custody of their children who (tragically) were not given their last names at birth (but should have been), yet those fathers pay child support, have visitation and have parental authority and rights. It is disrespectful to your family who raised, loved and cared for you to change your name back to the name given to you by your biological parent. But that is no great honor. It’s rape on the soul and individuality of a person to alter their name in anyway in an effort to make them over into someone they are not and to sequester them from their own family in order to make them seem more completely part of the family that adopted them. I haven't really thought about legally changing it, but I wear a bracelet with my birth initials stamped into it. The court you use will depend on your state’s rules. This information enables people to avoid taking their sibling to prom or worse! So, when considering an older child adoption, you can change the full name, or any part of the name when adopting, or leave the name as is. Your name change should appear on your Decree of Dissolution (a.k.a. It’s a struggle, but we try. When she was an infant, I had given her the last name of her biological father. Good of you, Michael! it?) Adoptive parents have shared that they wanted to change their child’s name to give them a fresh start,  for religious reasons, culture, or because they want to be the one to name their child. State laws vary, but sometimes portions of the identifying information about the child’s biological parents will be changed as well in the amended birth certificate. That being said she could have named me lil bo peep but my mother chose to name me after women who meant something to her. Had the adoption been allowed, we would have petitioned for him to be able to choose his own name as he wished. I found my court ordered the name change. This is awesome! Some states do not allow the child access to their original birth certificate even after the child has turned 18. I say that because as I read your comment that is what stood out when you said, "… they weren't able to get you right away but want you to be theres as much as possible,". One of the first things we did after each of our children’s adoptions were finalized was head to the social security office to request new social security numbers for them. It 's nice to know that you prefer to be parental work of raising.... States change the child ’ s sibling, aunt, or cousin ” family is unique and should be as. That it does not survive and find my “ real ” family one way or the other I. 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